"Something had to change. I had to get it together. I’d been the culinary equivalent of the Flying Dutchmen too long, living a half-life with no future in mind, just oozing from sensation to sensation. I was a disgrace, a disappointment to friends and family and myself - and the drugs and the booze no longer chased that disappointment away. I could no longer bear even to pick up the phone; I’d just listen to the answering machine, afraid or unwilling to pick up, the plaintive entreaties of the caller an annoyance. If they had good news, it would simply make me envious and unhappy; if they had bad news, I was the last guy in the world who could help. Whatever I had to say to anybody would have been inappropriate. I was in hiding, in a deep dark hole, and it was dawning on me…that it was time, really time, to try to climb out."
Anthony Bourdain, “Kitchen Confidential.”